The power to save the Earth lies in your chubby hands
With the exception of a handful of quacks in the American Republican Administration, we, as a race, have all now accepted the reality that our planet is fucked… and that it’s pretty much all our fault. But rather than actually make some serious environmental changes, our collective Governments have been dragging their heels since the whole ‘Global Warming’ theory was first put forward some 50 odd years ago.
50 fucking years. And what exactly have the mighty industrialised nations of our world achieved in the last 50 years? Well unless you can call breeding a populace of fat bastards an achievement, they’ve done fuck all.
But perhaps, this is the root of the problem. Fat people are, as we know, slow and lazy. From a global resources perspective, fat people are a strain that we can no longer tolerate. Let’s take a look at the facts:
- A Fat person needs to have bigger clothes, a bigger car and bigger furniture.
- In some extreme cases, fat people require specialised machinery just to move their fat fucking asses.
- Fat people eat more, thereby taking someone else’s share of food.
- Fat employees cost companies millions of lost man-hours per year due to the fact that it takes them longer to walk to and from the toilet/snack machine.
- Fat people use more water when washing (although this is sometimes balanced out by washing less often).
- According to the laws of force, more energy is required to move a fat person. Try this one out yourself.
Everything about these fat cunts is a needless waste. If these people weren’t so resource-hungry, our world wouldn’t be so fucked. So what I suggest is that we put all the fatties to work in ‘human power plants’. No, I’m not talking about Matrix-style bio-cells! They could be just like gyms, but the ‘exercise equipment’ would all be turbine-based so when the fatsos run, cycle or row, their fat asses are being converted into electricity.
This plan which not only would see a huge decrease in our fossil fuel consumption, but also has the added bonus of taking fat people off the streets. And that can only be good.
Think about it.
December 17th, 2007 at 2:38 am
Perhaps one solution to the plague of fatties is to give restauranteurs similar powers to barmen. For example:
Hello my good man - I would like a copy of your splendid menu.
Sorry Fatty - I think you’ve had enough. Out!
Thus decreasing the poulation of fatties and the corresponding resources required to keep them in their current state.
By the way - does anyone object to obesity being referred to as an “epidemic”. I hardly think gross overindulgence can be considered a disease by any stretch of the imagination.
March 1st, 2008 at 9:29 pm
Just remember little boy. We (The Fatties) Out number you (The Skinny Bigots) out number you 3 to 1 (Unless you go by the body mass index then it’s like 7 to one) and nothing can stand in the way of a fat persons cheeseburger.
March 2nd, 2008 at 9:45 pm
I’m partial to a cheeseburger myself every now and then. Notice that I said “A cheeseburger” not “4 or 5 cheeseburgers”. That’s the difference between us dude.