This blogging thing isn’t as easy as I first thought. I mean, it’s not fucking rocket science, but some days it seems that inspiration is pretty hard to come by. Today is one of those days. Luckily, the title of my blog gives me licence to write about pretty much anything so long as it’s not well thought out or accurately researched. Sweet.

I had been trying all evening to find something funny/interesting to blog about but kept drawing up blanks. The fact that the news is very samey today isn’t helping. Bertie this, Winehouse that, Maddie’s still hiding, etc… Hardly good sources for the type of light entertainment I aim to provide for you. So I googled some well-chosen keywords (gibberish) to see if there was a way to rapidly improve my power of thought. And guess what? I found it!

Now a brain bubble may sound like something that can put you on life-support, but according to this website it’s a little-known technique to “permanently boost your IQ in 3 weeks”. Intrigued? No? Neither was I, but fuck it, I read it anyway. Basically, it involves holding your breath for long periods of time to “expand the carotid arteries that feed your brain. They open wide to allow more oxygen rich blood to flow to the brain”, which, apparently, makes you smarter.

‘That seems easy’ I thought. So I held my breath for about, oh, 30 seconds. A pitiful first attempt (smoking still rocks though, fuckers).

I tried again…45 seconds this time. Getting better, and smarter!

I tried a third time… 1 minute 10 seconds. With a piercing pain in my heart and lungs close to collapsing, I decided that I’d had enough.

Some mere minutes later, my brain began to unblock itself. I could feel my mind begin to wander and I closed my eyes to experience the full effect of these new thoughts. Maybe this brain bubble thing works after all! Just then I thought a really good thought, one that made me realise I was definitely a little bit smarter and wiser now than I was before. I thought…

“If holding your breath makes you smarter, how come Siobhan Kearney couldn’t think of way to escape her demise?”

Oh yes. I am now, officially, a genius.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 19th, 2008 at 10:31 pm and is filed under Genius. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.